THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT COMPONENTS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

My experience with patients suggests that two important components of a healthy relationship are:
1.         effective communication, and
2.         regular sexual intercourse.
In other words, these are two mandatory requirements that should be fiercely maintained without lapse throughout your time together. Any lapse in either of these factors will seriously affect your relationship.
Other components such as love, and trust, and support that are cited in every book and lecture on relationships should be built around this base. If you do not have these two components as a base upon which everything else is built, your relationship or marriage will be very difficult to sustain. If anything, by focusing on maintaining a high level of verbal communication and always maintaining a regular active physical sex life, the other components of a relationship are bound to become stronger.

Communication
Some people are good at communication and others are not. Some prefer telepathic communication while others prefer to write their thoughts and feelings down. No matter what your preference is, your aim must be to relay your thoughts and feelings to your partner. This should be done with sensitivity but you should never avoid an issue that bothers you about your partner. Even difficult and hurtful issues must be discussed.
The message that I am trying to get across is this: The risk of divorce is astronomically high. Your relationship has perhaps a 50 per cent chance of failing. You learn new things about your partner every day—some that you like and some that you don't. Those things that you like will strengthen your relationship while those that you don't, tend to weaken it. You should confront all of the issues that are difficult in your relationship. This requires broaching the subject, thinking about it, discussing it, and finding a solution to overcome it. It may be resolved after just one discussion, or it may take many hours of discussion. If your relationship can survive this kind of intense introspection, then it will grow from strength to strength. It also means there will be very few unpleasant surprises for both of you.
As you discuss all the elements that affect your relationship, you also learn more about yourself and your partner. A positive result of this kind of scrutiny is that you both begin to feel more comfortable together and find that you are functioning as a single unit. You recognize each other's comfort zone and you build your own compatible comfort zone.

How regular is 'regular communication'?
In optimal conditions, communication should be frequent and daily. However, this type of communication often revolves around day-to-day activities and pressures. The important intense discussions become less frequent and may even recede and surface only as an argument. If this has happened, it is necessary to set aside a prescribed time each week that is solely dedicated to an intimate discussion of one or more subjects. I recommend an hour set aside twice a week to my patients. To maximize this discussion time, it is helpful to make a list of the issues that need to be discussed and you should inform each other of your choices at least one day in advance.
This all sounds very formal, but for many couples it is difficult to set aside time specifically for such healthy and relationship building exercises. Most people simply fly along on automatic pilot. The result from this is falling satisfaction and the feeling that the relationship is not going forward.
As you become practiced at these sessions and more issues are covered, you will find that the bonding between you and your partner grows. When you discuss what you like or don't like about each other's behaviour or response, subconscious dissatisfactions, which were potential problems, are cleared away.

Regular sexual intercourse
We are taught throughout our lives how important love, trust, interdependence and communication are in a relationship. We are taught about the physiology of sex, how to prevent pregnancy and how to protect ourselves against sexually transmitted diseases. We may even have attended sex education classes that teach us the different positions in intercourse and how to stimulate the different organs.
It is not often emphasised that without sex, relationships can suffer tremendously. How many of us were taught to ensure that our partners were sexually satisfied, or that arguments between couples could be the result of pent-up sexual frustrations?
Having consulted 10 000 men with sexual dysfunction, a question that I have asked each one is: 'Does this problem affect your relationship?' Eighty per cent said that erectile dysfunction was having an adverse affect on their current or previous relationship. The majority in the remaining 20 per cent were in an older group whose partners had come to accept their condition. Others mention a very understanding and supportive partner.
The 80 per cent who had been having difficulties reinforced just how important regular, mutually satisfying sexual intercourse is in maintaining a healthy relationship. There
needs to be a physical component in a relationship to complement the emotional or psychological component. A relationship, especially a relatively new one, suffers immeasurably if the sexual frequency dwindles and the communication component becomes the only sustaining factor.
It is my belief that for the first 30 years of any relationship, both communication and sexual intercourse need to be engaged in frequently and regularly. The communication needs to be intense while the sexual intercourse needs to be mutually satisfying. If you have been able to maintain these two factors for at least 30 years, you are likely to have found a level of physical and emotional intimacy for yourself and your spouse that puts you both in a comfort zone. And part of your comfort zones will include regular communication and a consistent desire for sex.
As everyone who has ever had children will attest, and I have been reminded of this by my patients, regular sexual intercourse during those child rearing years is very difficult. This is probably true for everyone. Dealing with this difficulty, will help to make the difference between a successful long-term relationship, and one that begins to crumble with the arrival of an ever expanding family. With pressure of family obligations increasing, the regularity and consistency of communication and sex intimacy become even more important. These are vital components in day-to-day living.
                                                                                                                      *61\4*

Online Pharmacy