PITFALLS OF FAMILY LIFE: AMPLIFYING FAMILY ROLES UNDER STRESS

Contribution of the family therapist Virginia Satir was her notion that family members tend to assume certain roles to maintain balance in overall family functioning. Four primary roles are assigned and assumed in family life, and these roles become exaggerated during stressful times. The four roles can be seen at work in families with more or fewer than four members, too: family members often trade off roles.

1. The first role is that of trying to soothe others by running interference for the family and by being especially attentive to the needs and feelings of other family members. People playing this role agree with others in order to avoid conflict and even apologize when they are in the right if conflict does occur. In dealing with any prolonged family stress event, these folks are prone to assume the role of martyr within the family. They put their own needs so far aside that they end up feeling deprived and unappreciated.
2. The second role is finding fault in what others do, especially during times of high stress. The faultfinder responds to internal discomfort and fear by conveying a specific message to other people: "If it weren't for you, everything would be okay." Needless to say, people who are invested in keeping everything on an even keel—people playing the running interference role described above—are particularly susceptible to the guilt induced by being blamed for a loved one's discomfort.
3. People in the third role react to stress by being extremely unemotional. These people have difficulty initiating and responding to emotional communications within the family. The more emotion floating around the family, the more reasonable, data oriented, and unfeeling such people act.
4. People fill the fourth role by drawing attention away from the family's pain. The words and actions of these people often seem irrelevant to what is happening at the moment. Sometimes these people call attention to themselves by developing a life crisis or a health problem. The effect of such behavior is the temporary alleviation of the family's pain and distress over some more frightening stressor—such as heart illness.